I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
I will not eat the cats' food,
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will scootch my bottom along the grass
I will not roll on dead stuff.
I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
I will not eat other animals' poop.
I will not lick my human's face
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold,
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens,
When in the car, I will not insist on
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear
We do not have a doorbell.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear
The sofa is not a face towel.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand
when he's on the toilet.
when I'm lying under the coffee table.
BEFORE entering the house.
before or after they eat it.
to rid myself of hangers-on,
before I come in the house.
after eating animal poop.
wet nose up her bottom.
'specially not the red ones,
or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
and dance all over the backyard with it.
Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license
and car registration.
If I like it, it's mine. If it's in my mouth, it's mine. If I can take it from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. If I saw it first, it's mine. If you are playing with something and you put it down, If it's broken, it's yours.
it automatically becomes mine.
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME
Both take up too much space on the bed. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. Both mark their territory. Neither tells you what's bothering them. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches. Neither does any dishes. Both fart shamelessly. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. Both like dominance games. Both are suspicious of the postman. Neither understands what you see in cats.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. Dogs miss you when you're gone. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong. Dogs admit when they're jealous. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch You can train a dog. Dogs are easy to buy for. The worst social disease
(and they never laugh at how you throw.)
you can get from dogs is fleas.
rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you
can kill the one that gives it to you).
Dogs understand what "no" means. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG
If you stare at someone long enough, Don't go out without ID. Be direct with people; Be aware of when to hold your tongue, Leave room in your schedule for a good nap. Always give people a friendly greeting. When you do something wrong, If it's not wet and sloppy,
eventually you'll get what you want.
let them know exactly how you feel
by piddling on their shoes.
and when to use it.
A cold nose in the crotch is effective.
it's not a real kiss.
Dogs lie around all day, They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths Conclusion: They're little men in fur coats...
sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
and then try to give you a kiss.
~~~~~~~
Doggie Quotes
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog,
but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
Unknown
"The average dog is a nicer person
than the average person."
Andrew A. Rooney
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender,
your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours,
faithful and true,
to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him
to be worthy of such devotion."
Unknown
"Things that upset a terrier may pass
virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
Smiley Blanton